i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
