I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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