I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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