i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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