I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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