Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
