I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
