I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
