I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
