I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
