I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
