worst night to have a conscience
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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