She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
