i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
