i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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