so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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