My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
