I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
