you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
