i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
