I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
