So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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