Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
