She's JV to your varsity
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
COCAINE IS GR8
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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