he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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