Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
