This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
