dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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