That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
