Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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