I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
