How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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