i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
