I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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