somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
