hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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