3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
