I accidentally burped into my bong.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
