I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
