KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
