I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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