Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
