I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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