she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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