yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
