Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
