this beer tastes like vomit already
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
