I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
