Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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