id be glad to
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
