Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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